Talking About Cancer
Communicating with someone who has a cancer diagnosis, and knowing what helps.
Last revised
Key takeaways
- Most common complaint from patients: friends disappearing
- Most useful response: listening, and specific practical offers
- Most useful single change: Make contact even if you do not know what to say.
- Commonest mistake: Comparing to someone else's experience.
- See a doctor if any of the signs under "When to get help" below apply to you.
Why it matters
Most people say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing, and withdrawal is consistently what patients report as most painful.
The numbers, in one place
| Measure | Figure |
|---|---|
| Most common complaint from patients | friends disappearing |
| Most useful response | listening, and specific practical offers |
| Macmillan support line | 0808 808 00 00 |
| Support available | for family and friends as well as patients |
What helps
- Make contact even if you do not know what to say
- Make specific offers: a shop on Thursday, a lift to an appointment
- Follow their lead on how much they want to discuss it
- Keep in touch after treatment ends, when support often falls away
What to avoid
- Comparing to someone else's experience
- Offering unsolicited advice about diet or alternative treatment
- Saying "let me know if you need anything" and leaving it there
Where to go next
- Talking About Cancer: The Quick Reference
- Talking About Cancer: What Published Guidance Supports
- Warning Signs: What Published Guidance Supports
- Cancer Screening: What Published Guidance Supports
When to get help
Encourage anyone with a cancer diagnosis to contact their clinical team promptly for new symptoms, and to use their acute oncology number for fever during chemotherapy. If they express thoughts of harming themselves, contact their GP, NHS 111, or the Samaritans on 116 123.
Where this comes from
- Macmillan Cancer Support — supporting someone
- NHS — Coping with a cancer diagnosis
How this page was put together
Every figure, recommendation and warning above is taken from the guidance named in Where this comes from. Nothing on this page is inferred, summarised or generalised beyond what those bodies publish: where they give a number, it is their number, and where they are silent, so are we. Pages are rebuilt whenever the underlying record changes. Sign-off by a named clinician, where it has happened, is shown at the top of the page along with the date.
Medical disclaimer
This article is general information, not medical advice. It cannot account for your own history, medication or circumstances. Always speak to a GP, pharmacist or another qualified health professional before making changes that affect your treatment, and never delay seeking medical advice because of something you have read here. In an emergency, call 999.