What People Get Wrong About Supporting Someone Else
Supporting Someone Else: what people commonly get wrong, set against what published UK guidance says.
Most people say nothing because they fear saying the wrong thing, and saying something imperfect is reliably better than silence.
Key takeaways
- Asking directly about suicide: does not increase risk; evidence supports asking
- Most useful thing in the moment: listening without rushing to solutions
- Most useful single change: Ask directly and in plain words, including about suicide if you are worried.
- Commonest mistake: Opening with advice, or with what worked for you.
- See a doctor if any of the signs under "When to speak to a doctor" below apply to you.
What the guidance actually says
Start with the figures. The claims below are checked against these, not against what sounds plausible.
| Measure | Figure |
|---|---|
| Asking directly about suicide | does not increase risk; evidence supports asking |
| Most useful thing in the moment | listening without rushing to solutions |
| Samaritans, free, any hour | 116 123 |
| Shout crisis text line | text SHOUT to 85258 |
| Immediate danger | 999 or A&E |
Where people go wrong
Each of these is common, and each is a mistake in the sense that the guidance says otherwise.
- Opening with advice, or with what worked for you
- Promising to keep a disclosure of immediate danger secret
- Taking on the role of their therapist
What to do instead
- Ask directly and in plain words, including about suicide if you are worried
- Listen longer than feels comfortable before offering anything
- Make specific, small offers of help and then follow through
- Help them get to professional support rather than becoming it
The part that is genuinely uncertain
Guidance changes, and it changes because evidence does. The figures above reflect current UK guidance from the bodies named at the foot of this page; where those bodies revise their position, theirs is the account to follow rather than this one.
Where to go next
- Supporting Someone Else: A Beginner-Friendly Start
- A Q and A on Supporting Someone Else
- Supporting Someone Else — the reference entry
- What the Guidance Really Says About Alcohol and Mental Health
- The Evidence on Stress, Without the Hype
When to speak to a doctor
If someone is in immediate danger or has seriously harmed themselves, call 999 or go to A&E. If they are in crisis but not in immediate danger, NHS 111 and local urgent mental health helplines operate around the clock, and the Samaritans can be reached free on 116 123 at any hour.
Where this comes from
- NHS — Help for suicidal thoughts
- Samaritans — how to support someone
How this page was put together
Every figure, recommendation and warning above is taken from the guidance named in Where this comes from. Nothing on this page is inferred, summarised or generalised beyond what those bodies publish: where they give a number, it is their number, and where they are silent, so are we. Pages are rebuilt whenever the underlying record changes. Sign-off by a named clinician, where it has happened, is shown at the top of the page along with the date.
Medical disclaimer
This article is general information, not medical advice. It cannot account for your own history, medication or circumstances. Always speak to a GP, pharmacist or another qualified health professional before making changes that affect your treatment, and never delay seeking medical advice because of something you have read here. In an emergency, call 999.
Spotted something wrong? Report an error on this page. We correct on the page and say what changed.
