Supporting Someone Else: A Beginner-Friendly Start
Supporting Someone Else: the few things that matter most, and the mistakes that catch people out early.
What actually helps when someone close to you is struggling with their mental health.
Key takeaways
- Asking directly about suicide: does not increase risk; evidence supports asking
- Most useful thing in the moment: listening without rushing to solutions
- Most useful single change: Ask directly and in plain words, including about suicide if you are worried.
- Commonest mistake: Opening with advice, or with what worked for you.
- See a doctor if any of the signs under "When to speak to a doctor" below apply to you.
Why bother
Most people say nothing because they fear saying the wrong thing, and saying something imperfect is reliably better than silence.
Start here
These two first. Everything else is easier once they are habit.
- Ask directly and in plain words, including about suicide if you are worried
- Listen longer than feels comfortable before offering anything
Then add these
Once the first two are automatic, these are worth adding.
- Make specific, small offers of help and then follow through
- Help them connect to professional support rather than becoming it
The numbers, in one place
| Measure | Figure |
|---|---|
| Asking directly about suicide | does not increase risk; evidence supports asking |
| Most useful thing in the moment | listening without rushing to solutions |
| 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | call or text 988, free, 24/7 |
| Calling 988 for someone else | you can call to get advice on helping them |
| Immediate danger | call 911 or go to the emergency room |
Common early mistakes
- Opening with advice, or with what worked for you
- Promising to keep a disclosure of immediate danger secret
- Taking on the role of their therapist
Related topics
- Talking About Cancer: What Published Guidance Supports (Cancer Awareness)
- Teen Mental Health and 988: What Published Guidance Supports (Teen Health)
- The Evidence on Men and Mental Health, Without the Hype (Men's Health)
- What the Guidance Really Says About Child Mental Health (Children's Health)
Where to go next
- What People Get Wrong About Supporting Someone Else
- A Q and A on Supporting Someone Else
- Supporting Someone Else — the reference entry
- Mental Health: The Complete Guide
- What the Guidance Really Says About Alcohol and Mental Health
- The Evidence on Stress, Without the Hype
When to speak to a doctor
If someone is in immediate danger or has seriously harmed themselves, call 911 or go to the emergency room. If they are in crisis but not in immediate danger, call or text 988 together at any hour, and encourage them to see their doctor or a mental health professional.
Where this comes from
- National Institute of Mental Health — 5 Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Help Someone Else
How this page was put together
Every figure, recommendation and warning above is taken from the guidance named in Where this comes from. Nothing on this page is inferred, summarized or generalized beyond what those bodies publish: where they give a number, it is their number, and where they are silent, so are we. Pages are rebuilt whenever the underlying record changes. Sign-off by a named clinician, where it has happened, is shown at the top of the page along with the date.
Medical disclaimer
This article is general information, not medical advice. It cannot account for your own history, medication or circumstances. Always speak to your doctor, pharmacist or another qualified health professional before making changes that affect your treatment, and never delay seeking medical advice because of something you have read here. In an emergency, call 911.
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