Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver: The Questions People Actually Ask

Providing unpaid support to someone who could not manage without it.

Key takeaways

• Family caregivers: tens of millions of Americans provide unpaid care to an adult or child
• Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116, a free public service that connects you to local aging and caregiver services
• Most useful single change: Tell your own doctor that you are a caregiver.
• Commonest mistake: Waiting until you are in crisis to ask for help.
• See a doctor if any of the signs under "When to speak to a doctor" below apply to you.

What is Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver?

Providing unpaid support to someone who could not manage without it.

Why does it matter?

Many family caregivers do not see themselves as one, and naming the role is what opens the door to support, respite and information.

Family caregivers for Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver?

Tens of millions of Americans provide unpaid care to an adult or child.

Eldercare Locator for Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver?

1-800-677-1116, a free public service that connects you to local aging and caregiver services.

National Family Caregiver Support Program for Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver?

Offered through local Area Agencies on Aging.

Tell your doctor for Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver?

Being a caregiver changes what support and screening is worth discussing.

What is the single most useful thing to do?

Tell your own doctor that you are a caregiver.

What is the most common mistake?

Waiting until you are in crisis to ask for help.

When should I see a doctor?

See your doctor if caregiving is affecting your own sleep, mood or health. If you feel unable to go on, or are worried you might harm yourself or the person you care for, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) at any hour, and call 911 if anyone is in immediate danger.

More questions, answered

Do I have to live with the person to count as a caregiver?

No. Many caregivers live separately, sometimes far away. If you regularly help someone manage their health, home, money or daily life because they could not cope without it, you are providing care. Most caregiver programs base eligibility on the help you give, not on where you live.

Is caregiving only for older people?

No. People care for children with disabilities, adults with mental illness, partners with cancer and friends recovering from injury. Many programs focus on older adults, but there are also services for parents of children with special health needs and for people caring for working-age adults. Your local Area Agency on Aging can often redirect you.

Will calling myself a caregiver change how the family sees me?

It can change conversations for the better. Describing the work in concrete terms, such as hours a week or specific tasks, often helps relatives understand what is involved and makes it easier to share the load. It does not change your relationship with the person you care for.

Is there any cost to calling the Eldercare Locator?

No. The Eldercare Locator is a free public service. Some of the local services it points you to are also free, while others may charge on a sliding scale or be covered by Medicaid or other programs. Ask about cost when you contact each service.

What if the person I care for does not want outside help?

This is common. It can help to start small, such as a meal service or a weekly visit, and to frame help as support for you rather than a judgment about them. A doctor, social worker or trusted friend raising the idea can sometimes succeed where family members cannot.

Should I tell my employer that I am a caregiver?

That is your choice, but telling HR or a manager can open up options such as flexible hours, employee assistance programs and job-protected leave if you qualify. Waiting until a crisis often leaves fewer choices. Find out what policies exist first so you know what to ask for.

Related topics

• The Evidence on Men and Mental Health, Without the Hype (Men's Health)
• Supporting a Family Member With Addiction: Sorting the Evidence From the Noise (Substance Use and Recovery)
• Supporting Someone Else: What the Evidence Actually Says (Mental Health)
• Getting Help From a Pharmacy: What the Evidence Actually Says (Using Health Services)

Where to go next

• The Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver Checklist: What to Do and What to Skip
• Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver: Common Myths and What Guidelines Say
• Recognizing Yourself as a Caregiver — the reference entry
• Caregiver Health: The Complete Guide
• Caregiver Burnout: Sorting the Evidence From the Noise
• What the Guidance Really Says About Caring and Your Own Health

When to speak to a doctor

See your doctor if caregiving is affecting your own sleep, mood or health. If you feel unable to go on, or are worried you might harm yourself or the person you care for, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) at any hour, and call 911 if anyone is in immediate danger.

Where this comes from

• Family Caregiver Alliance — Caregiver Health
• National Institute on Aging — Getting Help With Caregiving

How this page was put together

Every figure, recommendation and warning above is taken from the guidance named in Where this comes from. Nothing on this page is inferred, summarized or generalized beyond what those bodies publish: where they give a number, it is their number, and where they are silent, so are we. Pages are rebuilt whenever the underlying record changes. Sign-off by a named clinician, where it has happened, is shown at the top of the page along with the date.

Medical disclaimer

This article is general information, not medical advice. It cannot account for your own history, medication or circumstances. Always speak to your doctor, pharmacist or another qualified health professional before making changes that affect your treatment, and never delay seeking medical advice because of something you have read here. In an emergency, call 911.